You might want to get a comfy seat and a fresh beverage before reading this -
Many, many, many, many, many, many, many moons ago, in the run up to Christmas there was a television advert for MB Games Heroquest. Seeing the contents of the game, and how cool the advert was with Orcs and Barbarians, (and having just read the Hobbit) I plagued my parents constantly to get me it. Every time we were out shopping, I'd go straight to the toy department to look for it, and pore over the back of the box. Thankfully my parents bought me it that year. I already knew I was getting it, as trying to hide presents in the same house as me is an impossible task. I spent the entire day setting up the board in all sorts of configurations, and used about 2 rolls of film taking pictures of it.
It was around about this time, the very early '90s that I tried my hand at painting. Of course, being completely self taught, other than the brief guide included with Heroquest, I primed my minis with Tipex, and painted them with a collection of small acrylics garnered from a Simpsons painting by numbers kit...
From that point, all my funds were directed towards miniatures...
Space Crusade and Advanced Heroquest followed, as well as a Skeleton Army, procured by my younger brother for the princely sum of £10 from Virgin Megastore. Yes, way, way back Virgin (which went on to become Zavvi, which went on to cease trading) sold miniatures and role-playing books. The Skeleton army was a bundle of sprues, 30 Skeletons, 10 Skeletal Horsemen and a Chariot. Many hours were spent creating all sorts of randomly posed skellies, and suffering from poly cement exposure.
About the same time, I also got hooked on Space Marine (which was the infantry based Titan Legions game, and the precursor to Epic Armageddon. This was followed by Warhammer, 40k, Blood Bowl and Necromunda, which I played regularly whilst at school. My miniature obsession also turned to RPG's, with Dungeons and Dragons, AD&D 2nd edition and Palladium's TMNT RPG (based on the Eastman and Laird comics) added to my collection.
The most obvious thing I could say is my fanatical obsession to amass huge piles of miniatures and books, whilst rarely ever gaming or painting. This lasted many, many years.
Other than birthdays and Christmas, my obsession was kept in check, until I started working once I turned 16. Still, other than alcohol, concerts and cigarettes, all my cash went on minis. This got worse once I started working full time after I dropped out of uni, and was regularly spending over 100 pounds a week in GW... The dangers of a weekly wage.
Once I went back to uni, the vast majority of my student loan was always spent on minis, as I just used to drive home if I was in danger of starving or running out of clean clothes, then I started working again, doing nightshifts every Friday and Saturday, which kept me in textbooks, smokes and minis again.
Learning to drive had obviously been a bad choice, as once I started venturing further afield, I realised that there was more to gaming than GW, and found Static Games, a veritable treasure trove of miniatures, hidden in the bowels of the old Argyle Arcade in Glasgow. I think the internet also shares some of the blame.
Having fallen completely in love with the Wolfen line for Confrontation, I bought every available model over the course of 3 or 4 months, probably spending about 600 quid on them. To this day, I've still only played the game once. No wonder I have an overdraft...
After uni, and by this point, the entirety of my collection had taken over my room, my bro's room, the garage and the loft, I kept adding more and more. Due to having a very short attention span, or maybe just being enchanted by every month's new releases, I had still to actually finish building, never mind painting, an entire army. Hell, I couldn't even manage the dozen or so models required for Blood Bowl or Necromunda.
Around this time, I was heavily into 40k, and was making the transition from GW Stirling (uni) to GW Falkirk (closest to home). I signed up for Conflict Edinburgh in a bid to actually get an army completed, and settled on World Eater CSM's. To my shame, I actually fielded two pots of red paint on 60mm bases as Dreadnaughts until I'd played a few trial games. No matter the opposition, I was swiftly handed my own behind on a platter, prompting the local crew to very firmly remind me I was a Stirling boy...
Until the day of the Tournament. 3 massacres, full points for general knowledge, and mediocre painting points put me in 3rd place overall. I had well and truly earned my position as a Falkirk gamer, and, I still don't know how the hell I actually managed to win 3 games so convincingly.
The following year I entered with a Tyranid army, which was completed 10 minutes before the bus left the store, assembled on the bus, and still poseable once we got to the venue. I didn't do as well as the year before... Although, I did hit upon the following cunning plan. Take a major hit in the first round, and it guarantees you play someone else who 'sucks' in the second. Which makes it easier to get a win...
After that I was pretty psyched, and turned to a new army. Still CSM's, but Iron Warriors. My love for Chaos became quite obsessive, and my army clocked up about 21,000 points at last count.
I was still not a prolific painter at this point, mainly rushing to get things done in the two weeks before the tournament deadline.
Numerous other tournaments/events passed with mixed success, but I never reached those heady heights again.
Then one fateful day, browsing in Static, I asked the owner what the most popular game at the local club was, as I was fed up taking along a 40k army and having no opponent. I had no interest in historical gaming, or cards, and he told me to look into WARMACHINE. I'd seen the models before, and hadn't been inspired, but I figured I might as well give it a go, just to be able to play. And it turned out I was rather good at it. Not brilliant, but able to hold my own against the guys who had been playing for years. Maybe 6 months or so after getting into it, I journeyed down to the most excellent Fanboy 3 in Manchester, a bus journey I will never again undertake, for my first ever WM tournament. And I came first. Cue astonishment. This led to me becoming totally immersed into WM, completely ignoring GW for a year or so. I picked up numerous faction awards at local tourneys, even winning a couple, and also walked out of the first ever HORDES tournament in Scotland as overall champ, with gold cards and a signed copy of the rulebook! My crowning glory was yet to come, and that was topping the table at a Glasgow Tournament with my Merc Army, a victory which was all the sweeter, seeing as they 'aren't a proper Faction'.
Once our Nikki was born, I slowly returned to the GW fold, as it meant less travelling, and thought I'd get into LotR, because, although I'd played a few taster games when the FotR was originally released (and bought both TTT and TRotK boxed games) I'd never done anything with them. This started a trend of buying vast quantities of LotR minis, which I vowed I wouldn't game with until they were fully painted.
One day, whilst browsing for painting ideas, I happened upon a link to a certain 'One Ring' website, which I immediately joined, and am happy to say, have stayed a member of, despite my grouchy, argumentative, sarcastic and loveable nature.
So, it really has been a success, my vow, as I have probably painted more minis in the last year, than I have in the 20 preceding that.
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